This summer I’ve been discussing with my team at the ketamine clinic about switching my infusions from every week to every two weeks. This is a major deal because I’ve had weekly infusions for over two years and the thought of having them less used to send me into a panic. After my infusion todayContinue reading “i’m ready”
Tag Archives: mental illness
happiness
I took these pictures before a concert on Friday and since then, I’ve looked at them many times— feeling weird and shameful about it, like I was being too vain— but today I realized that it’s because I look happy, like genuinely happy. I have the energy and desire to put on makeup and tryContinue reading “happiness”
brighter days
If you follow me on social media, you’ve likely noticed that my smile is bigger, I’m saying yes more, I’m enjoying and showing up for the people I love, picking my hobbies back up, making new friends, keeping busy— finally feeling more like a participant in my own life rather than an observer. January-May wasContinue reading “brighter days”
TMS is for fighters
My depression is not improving so I’m starting another round of TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation). Certain parts of your brain sort of stop working properly when you’re depressed. […] TMS sends electromagnetic pulses through your skull into specific parts of your brain and stimulates the part that isn’t working, like physical therapy for your brainContinue reading “TMS is for fighters”
2021
It’s easy to reflect on the past year and think you haven’t accomplished much (especially during a pandemic), but as I am reading my journal from 2021, I can clearly see that I showed up for myself more than I ever have. I reconnected with my intuition, learned how to show up for myself, andContinue reading “2021”
video
This is a video about my journey with ketamine infusion treatments for depression and anxiety. I’ve wanted to create this video for awhile, but had talked myself out of it because I thought nobody would watch it. In November, a friend of mine told me, “You sharing your stories helps, and I wanted you toContinue reading “video”
Parenting
Parenting with depression is tough. This morning I was in my van with tears streaming down my face as I was waiting to pick up my son from pre-k. I quickly wiped my eyes, got out to gather near the other parents, pretending to have my shit together even though I wasn’t wearing a braContinue reading “Parenting”
feeling anger
Why didn’t anyone tell me that anger is a valid way to express feelings? That it could be anger and safe at the same time? Why am I 35 and just learning this now? It feels like I have paused at this place in my healing, unable to continue on until I let myself genuinelyContinue reading “feeling anger”
struggling
Recently the people closest to me have been having to remind me that my feelings are valid, that I’m not alone in this struggle, they encourage me to stay fierce and show up for myself. I mean it when I say I have the most incredible people in my life. Because lately, it’s definitely beenContinue reading “struggling”
rest
My mental health has been significantly more stabilized this year, but it’s still a struggle. I am still going through the cycle of grief with my divorce, both of my kid’s experiencing big emotions because of their world changing, and my eating disorder has been flairing up. All of these things take up a lotContinue reading “rest”
Ketamine
Today I went from sobbing in bed in the afternoon, to swinging on our play-set with Tucker, and having a dance party with the girls in the evening. Why? Ketamine infusions. It’s more than that— it’s also weekly therapy, medication, support and encouragement from others, better sleep hygiene, and improving my relationship with food. ButContinue reading “Ketamine”
puppy
We adopted a puppy from Healing Hearts Rescue. Her name is Ginny and she’s 8 weeks old. We brought her home on Saturday and I’ve noticed a significant boost from my depression. I know that playing with a dog can elevate levels of serotonin and dopamine which make us happier and more calm. The nameContinue reading “puppy”
mental health awareness month
I’ve been struggling with writing a blog post about mental health awareness month because of my mental illness… oh the irony. Mental health matters, (make it a priority). Mental illness is invisible, (but it’s real). Ask for help, (it shows strength). You can heal from your trauma, (and you deserve to heal). Normalize taking medication,Continue reading “mental health awareness month”
PHQ-9
This was taken one year ago today. It had been almost 4 months since I was hospitalized, I found a great new therapist, and changed my medications. I remember this day well; I had the lowest PHQ-9 score in over a year, and I felt hopeful that I was getting better. And then COVID hit,Continue reading “PHQ-9”
disabilities
It’s been a tough few days for my daughter. Wren has to wear braces due to her cerebral palsy and they have been giving her sores, so she hasn’t been wearing them since Friday. Yesterday she was crying at the playground out of frustration because she was unable keep up with her siblings who wereContinue reading “disabilities”
crashing hard
For minutes I starred at my reflection in the mirror, watching tears roll down my face. I’m begging myself to be strong and just hold on. Thoughts of self harm have been popping in and out of my thoughts all day. Even suicidal ideation returned after being absent for a couple months. Trying to findContinue reading “crashing hard”
anger
I’m going to do a completely radical thing: I’m going to sit with my anger without rushing through the discomfort.
floor
Woody asked me, “why are you laying on the floor?” I think I dissociated, I don’t remember how I got there. I’ve been fighting a war with my head + heart. And I think the weight of it all has caused me to collapse, again. I was healing, getting stronger. Now I feel like I’mContinue reading “floor”
Hang on
Sometimes I want to disappear. But then I remember who I am, and that this world needs me. Whether I positively impact one person or one million… I have to hang on. Be well, be kind, hang on. Xo Cassie
Trauma
I’ve cried so much today. This afternoon I had a panic attack and hid in my closet. My heart was beating rapidly, I couldn’t catch my breath, I was shaking and sweating. I alternated between feeling afraid, and feeling like I was detached from my body and watching it happen to me. I don’t chooseContinue reading “Trauma”
i will grow from this 