It’s easy to reflect on the past year and think you haven’t accomplished much (especially during a pandemic), but as I am reading my journal from 2021, I can clearly see that I showed up for myself more than I ever have. I reconnected with my intuition, learned how to show up for myself, andContinue reading “2021”
Tag Archives: relationships
anger
I’m going to do a completely radical thing: I’m going to sit with my anger without rushing through the discomfort.
floor
Woody asked me, “why are you laying on the floor?” I think I dissociated, I don’t remember how I got there. I’ve been fighting a war with my head + heart. And I think the weight of it all has caused me to collapse, again. I was healing, getting stronger. Now I feel like I’mContinue reading “floor”
suicidal ideation
My depression has been LOUD the past 7 days. I’ve been mentally white-knuckling it, trying to fight it while being so fucking exhausted. My passive suicidal ideation has been debilitating all week. The truth is, even during my favorite time of year, I don’t always feel strongly about being alive. On the particularly bad days,Continue reading “suicidal ideation”
self-compassion
Polyamorous relationships are hard. Monogamous relationships are hard. Relationships during a pandemic are hard. Focusing on relationships while parenting is hard. Navigating relationships while battling mental illness is hard. Everything is okay now, but it’s been an emotional weekend at home with my partners. As an empathic person, I absorb the feelings and energy ofContinue reading “self-compassion”
stress & sadness
Depression is bad again today. I’m still feeling uncomfortable inside my body— it feels like it doesn’t remember what normal is. Headache, stomach ache, swelling, muscle soreness. I’ve been sneaking away for a few minutes for the majority of the day so I can break down and cry. I’m anxious about this week. I’m alreadyContinue reading “stress & sadness”
depression is a liar.
I need to re-read this multiple times a day. “The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved.” Sometimes I look at Jim and Woody when they’re distracted and contemplate why they are still by my side, fiercely and actively taking care of me. I look at my littles and wonder whyContinue reading “depression is a liar.”
Partner of the Depressed
(Guest journal entry by Woody, one of my partners that lives with me.) The hardest thing about loving someone who is suffering from depression is the memories what they are like when they are healthy. When we see those of us closest to us hurting, we want to try everything we can think of toContinue reading “Partner of the Depressed”
depression + marriage
This morning Jim took me to get my TMS and ketamine infusion and afterwards we drove up north to a cabin near Pelican Lake to celebrate 7 years of being married. This trip is going to be a lot different from our other ones, but I know it will be just as good because heContinue reading “depression + marriage”
i will grow from this 