Polyamory

My family looks different but we love and support each other, just like yours. This post isn’t about mental illness, but it is me to my very core. My family is everything to me. When people encounter our family, their eyes get big and they say “wow” — in one tone or another – becauseContinue reading “Polyamory”

self-worth

When did I start thinking so little of myself? Tonight I had therapy with my partners. While they talked about their feelings, I was repeating this over and over to MYSELF: “you’re not worth it.” I’ve convinced myself on a very deep level that I’m not worth any effort. Medical bills & debt? I’m notContinue reading “self-worth”

self-compassion

Polyamorous relationships are hard. Monogamous relationships are hard. Relationships during a pandemic are hard. Focusing on relationships while parenting is hard. Navigating relationships while battling mental illness is hard. Everything is okay now, but it’s been an emotional weekend at home with my partners. As an empathic person, I absorb the feelings and energy ofContinue reading “self-compassion”

stress & sadness

Depression is bad again today. I’m still feeling uncomfortable inside my body— it feels like it doesn’t remember what normal is. Headache, stomach ache, swelling, muscle soreness. I’ve been sneaking away for a few minutes for the majority of the day so I can break down and cry. I’m anxious about this week. I’m alreadyContinue reading “stress & sadness”

depression is a liar.

I need to re-read this multiple times a day. “The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved.” Sometimes I look at Jim and Woody when they’re distracted and contemplate why they are still by my side, fiercely and actively taking care of me. I look at my littles and wonder whyContinue reading “depression is a liar.”

Partner of the Depressed

(Guest journal entry by Woody, one of my partners that lives with me.) The hardest thing about loving someone who is suffering from depression is the memories what they are like when they are healthy. When we see those of us closest to us hurting, we want to try everything we can think of toContinue reading “Partner of the Depressed”

depression + marriage

This morning Jim took me to get my TMS and ketamine infusion and afterwards we drove up north to a cabin near Pelican Lake to celebrate 7 years of being married. This trip is going to be a lot different from our other ones, but I know it will be just as good because heContinue reading “depression + marriage”