suicidal ideation

My depression has been LOUD the past 7 days. I’ve been mentally white-knuckling it, trying to fight it while being so fucking exhausted.

My passive suicidal ideation has been debilitating all week. The truth is, even during my favorite time of year, I don’t always feel strongly about being alive. On the particularly bad days, I truly want to die. I have convinced myself numerous times that life will better, easier, without me in it.

Lots of tears, panic attacks. But mostly I ’ve been quiet about it—nothing can help by talking. Not wanting to burden my partners with this because they’re struggling with their own things.

Be well, be kind

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