brighter days

If you follow me on social media, you’ve likely noticed that my smile is bigger, I’m saying yes more, I’m enjoying and showing up for the people I love, picking my hobbies back up, making new friends, keeping busy— finally feeling more like a participant in my own life rather than an observer.

January-May was still tough, my depression was improving but I still couldn’t function normally, stuck in survival mode. I completed TMS which is MAJOR considering there are 38 sessions and nothing about it was enjoyable— I was determined and didn’t miss a single appointment. All of this persistence payed off because I am feeling much better.

My PHQ-9 (assesses severity of depression) was the lowest it’s been in many years. My care team has tweaked my medications a tiny bit, I’m continuing weekly ketamine infusion treatments, and seeing my therapist.

Depression mutes all color and spectrum of emotions. I can feel every feeling now — happy and sad, crying and laughing, angry and frustrated, strong and vulnerable, playful and serious, present and hopeful.

I am literally crying tears of joy as I write this. Tears that feel like I am in the other side of this massively long depressive episode and I can take a deep breath again.

I embrace the moments when life is good and strong and grab on to the light without apology. Brighter days are coming.

Jenny Lawson

Be well, be kind, brighter days are coming.


Journal entry 6/20/22

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