brighter days

If you follow me on social media, you’ve likely noticed that my smile is bigger, I’m saying yes more, I’m enjoying and showing up for the people I love, picking my hobbies back up, making new friends, keeping busy— finally feeling more like a participant in my own life rather than an observer.

January-May was still tough, my depression was improving but I still couldn’t function normally, stuck in survival mode. I completed TMS which is MAJOR considering there are 38 sessions and nothing about it was enjoyable— I was determined and didn’t miss a single appointment. All of this persistence payed off because I am feeling much better.

My PHQ-9 (assesses severity of depression) was the lowest it’s been in many years. My care team has tweaked my medications a tiny bit, I’m continuing weekly ketamine infusion treatments, and seeing my therapist.

Depression mutes all color and spectrum of emotions. I can feel every feeling now — happy and sad, crying and laughing, angry and frustrated, strong and vulnerable, playful and serious, present and hopeful.

I am literally crying tears of joy as I write this. Tears that feel like I am in the other side of this massively long depressive episode and I can take a deep breath again.