Because you’re always sad?

One night this week during dinner, we were talking about how my three-year-old son Tucker is a lot like me (because he is sensitive and empathetic), and my 6 year old daughter said, “because you’re always sad?” It took my breath away. I knew that this was a teachable moment and my reaction was importantContinue reading “Because you’re always sad?”

Depression in 2020

Creating this video and sharing it is FAR outside of my comfort zone. But I think it’s important to show youthat depression is an invisible battle & it can look many different ways.You can’t always know what someone is going throughwith just a glance. Depression in 2020: weight loss. weight gain.  tears. sobs.  asking forContinue reading “Depression in 2020”

pause

This past week I’ve had pockets of happy in the sea of darkness that is in my head. It seems like I have unintentionally paused my life– I’m literally just trying to make it to the next day. I’m waiting, not living. The ketamine infusions keep me going, but it was becoming quickly obvious thatContinue reading “pause”

recovery is not a race.

Today has been a down day. It’s been over 24 hours since I took my last anti-depressant (I had to stop taking it because of side effects). I’ve caught myself staring at the walls a few times. It’s hard to ignore how long I’ve been fighting this current depressive episode. It’s easy to fall intoContinue reading “recovery is not a race.”

anxiety

It’s been awhile since I’ve felt this level of anxiety– I can barely type or think complete thoughts. The election is causing everyone anxiety but I have other things weighing on me too. The clinic where I get my TMS and ketamine treatments done has a patient that tested positive for COVID-19 and it’s beenContinue reading “anxiety”

and crash

I’m still on my anniversary trip. Jim just went for a bike ride which I encouraged because I know it makes him happy. As soon as he left I broke down in tears. How is it that I am basically holding it together by default and unable to identify that I’m crashing? Am I justContinue reading “and crash”