This morning I couldn’t get out of bed until after 10:00 and that was by Woody physically dragging me out.
Distance learning with Wren (6) is going to break me. She is such a special and spirited kid and I love her fiercely but she fights me on everything. I’m trying to extend compassion to her—I know that her entire world has changed and she’s just trying to make sense of it. She is also missing my family terribly.
We average about 10 assignments and 3 zoom meetings a day, and she will fight me on most of those. There are periods of time I’ve found she’s most productive (anytime before noon), so I’m ignoring my needs and everyone else’s in the house so I can get her homework completed and it almost always ends with one of us in tears.
My anxiety is at a level I know isn’t sustainable. Yesterday I locked myself in the bathroom and had an anxiety attack but had to pay attention to the time so I could get her to her next meeting.
Anytime I feel like I’m making progress with my mental health, I’m knocked back down. I went to bed crying and feeling passively suicidal and woke up that way too.
I’m not sure I can survive this pandemic.