no rest for the depressed

I wouldn’t wish hypnic jerking on anyone. I drank 2 cups of sleepy time tea, NyQuil, an over-the-counter sleep med, and my night meds and my body still could not relax enough to sleep.

I was hoping a good night of sleep was going to help but as soon as I woke up my brain wasted no time telling me how worthless I am, how big of a burden I am to the people close to me. Just an overall haze of darkness.

I’ve spent the morning mostly on the couch crying, snuggling with River. I got up to change Tucker’s diaper and get him dressed. I set up a car track and put on Cars because I absolutely need to use the TV as a babysitter today.

I’m hoping for a ketamine infusion— but also don’t want to ask Danielle to come into work on her day off. I just don’t know how I’m going to get through today.

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