keep going..

My 90 minute ketamine infusion went really well last night— I felt immediate relief which doesn’t always happen. It felt different somehow, like more powerful?

Today I’ve been focusing on showing up for myself, not pushing myself too hard and doing by best at taking it easy.

My “taking it easy” today was returning something at a store, shopping at target, picking up/dropping off supplies at Wren’s school, therapy with Isabelle, organizing/cleaning the bathroom and TMS at 3:00. I was also able to stay present while I watched a movie with the kids.

I’m also making trip plans in the near future which is something that is extremely difficult for me to do because I have no idea how I’ll be feeling so it will always be a gamble. I’ve already had to cancel two small trips because of my depression and it fills me with guilt.

Tomorrow will be my 18th TMS treatment, so I’m halfway done. Driving an hour everyday is tedious but I’m grateful I have access to this health care. It’s also turned into quality time with Woody and Jim.

Taylor (my TMS technician) told me that studies are showing most people don’t feel the benefits of TMS until the 7th week. Deep breaths… I just have to keep going.

Here are a couple of photos from the infusion yesterday. They were both taken when I was deep into dissociating. I was so cozy with my new blanket.

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