clenched fists

The clinic opened back up today and Danielle met me for an infusion. I have so much love for her— she came in despite having a death in the family.

Turns out having a ketamine infusion during this election can be intense— while I was dissociating, I was feeling ALL of the feelings about the last two days: the panic of having another 4 years with that awful man in the White House, the sadness and heartbreak of knowing that racism is alive in millions of voters hearts, the anger that our democracy is not being honored and lies are being spread about fraud, and the overwhelming fear and uncertainty. According to Woody, I kept making fists and squeezing really hard which made the pulse monitor move and set off the alarm. He had to unclench my hand and put it back on 3 times.

Afterwards, I had my 32nd TMS treatment. My normal tech is at home waiting on her COVID test results (Hi Taylor, I miss you!) and I had a newer staff member who treated me.

Anxiety is still high, but I’m feeling a little better tonight. Tomorrow I start my neuro-psych testing at 8:00am, have a TMS appointment at 11, and then Woody and I leave for Duluth for a mini vacation.

Be well, be kind.

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