Today has been really, really difficult. I tried to hold it together so I could get through Wren’s schooling and a visit from her PT and OT. As soon as that was over my suicidal ideation became this huge weight on me paired with the desire to self harm. My eating disorder is fighting to take over, my insomnia was bad last night.
The only thing keeping me out of the hospital is my ketamine infusions— tomorrow is my next appointment.
I’m scared, my thoughts get very dark and I never want to say them aloud. I found this on Instagram which is helpful because on days like today, I can’t explain it, but I need to be heard.