The past two mornings I’ve woken up with energy instead of dread. I’ve been able to start and complete tasks around the house, run a couple of errands (with another adult, I can’t drive for 2 months). This is huge progress– I think those back to back ketamine infusions really helped me.

Here are just a few of the medications that I’ve tried this year.

One of the tasks was organizing the office and I found this bag of medications that I am no longer taking. I have to dispose of them in a safe way so I usually let it collect for awhile. When I was admitted into the hospital earlier this month I was taking 8 medications for my depression and anxiety. I am an advocate for taking medications, I remember years ago my therapist said to me, “battling depression without medication is like climbing Mt. Everest barefoot.”

But even as an advocate I loathe the process of finding the right medication. Antidepressants do not result in immediate relief– it can take on average 8-12 weeks, and I’ve read that some can take up to a year. In addition to the depression, you are experiencing side effects like insomnia, decreased sex drive, weight gain, dry mouth, fatigue, dizziness and so many more. AND medication can be costly, this year alone we have spent up to $3K on pills alone.

This is a facebook post from April this year:

I have an OVERWHELMING amount of guilt about how much it costs to keep me healthy and functioning. The hospitalizations, weekly therapy, psychiatry, and MEDICATION adds up. We pay $400/month for health insurance for our family and filled prescriptions at Walgreens because it’s close and convenient. When I drive up to the med window I always feel nauseous because I know it’s going to be costly. I expressed my frustrations with my psychiatrist today (and was prescribed another medication for nightmares), and she was appalled with how much my medications cost. She told me go to and price shop. I AM SO DISGUSTED WITH OUR HEALTH CARE SYSTEM!!! I printed off coupons from their website and will now be saving our family hundreds of dollars and it was EASY.

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