feeling better

I was prepared to write tonight’s blog entry about how depressing today was. How the battle in my body and mind was brutal. I spent the majority of it crying– feeling like I’m letting everyone in my family down.

The first part of my 90 minute ketamine infusion, I wasn’t disassociating– Danielle had to come in twice to increase my dose, and then I disassociated for the last 30 minutes. In the beginning I was mildly frustrated and hopeless so it was easy for me to doubt that I couldn’t count on ketamine to help with my depression anymore because I know that because my genetic makeup, my brain metabolizes medicine rapidly, which means that some medicine levels in my blood will not become high enough for it to be effective.

Thankfully, I left the clinic feeling much better. It took hours for the effects to wear off which meant I was basically useless in helping the kids with their bedtime routine. I tried playing a board game with Woody and Lucy and it was extremely difficult because I kept on forgetting my strategy and the rules of the game. I tried learning a new song on my ukulele but my brain struggled with that too.

I received a very thoughtful care package from a friend whom I’ve never actually met in person– but know each other through the polyamory community on Facebook. Thank you Suzanne!

Be well, be kind, vote

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