Trusting Progress

It’s been two days since I’ve had severe suicidal ideation and while that is good news, I also have a sinking feeling that it’s only a matter of time before it returns, it feels like a countdown. I don’t consider myself as a pessimist but this year has beaten me up– can I trust the progress?

“Your fighting an invisible battle every fucking moment, just want to remind you (as I have no doubt many others are as well!) that we see you fighting.”

– Brit Lee

Something that has been a real struggle for me is that I get REALLY restless, it happens during the day but especially at night– I just cannot stay still and I have to get out of bed to walk around and stretch, but it’s keeping me from sleeping. I had to take a NyQuil a couple times this week so I can get at least 6 hours of sleep– I cannot do TMS on days when I have fewer than 6 hours.

Ok, time for some happy!

I asked Lee if I could share this letter because I think it will really help people. She says,
“My father has had fairly bad clinical depression since before I was born, but that has never really impacted our relationship. If anything, it has made me more compassionate and willing to listen to others. I don’t remember times from my childhood when he wasn’t there, though there must have been days he had to be absent to tend to his mental health. I only remember the times he was around.”
Also from LEE
I was able to sit on the floor and play barbies and horses with my kiddos. I know that probably seems so trivial but I haven’t really done that in months. My depression makes me exhausted and irritable, I say no more than I say yes. It was a beautiful moment and I’m thankful Jim captured it.
The Thera-pets was a surprise from Woody. It’s 64 Emotional Support Animal Cards (Self-Esteem, Affirmations, Help with Anxiety, Worry and Stress, and for Fans of You Can Do All Things) The first card I saw was perfect, I will be changing them periodically.

xo

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