I’m not living..

This afternoon I decided that I was done fighting for my life. I convinced myself that my family would be better without me, the guys wouldn’t have to be burdened with it all, my kids would still be fiercely loved and supported by friends and family… And then Wren came into my room and said, “it’s going to be okay mommy,” and kissed me on my cheek, and I decided it was time to go back to the hospital so I could stay safe. Just as I was about to tell the guys, my sister Cindy texted me and said she was coming over. I stayed in bed and sobbed until she arrived— she snuggled up behind me and told me she is going to live with us until I’m back on my feet, and then we both held each other and sobbed some more. I felt like I could take a deep breath for the first time all day.

After some reflection, I have come to the realization that part of the reason my infusions only last for 24-48 hours is because I feel good and energized after so I want to do everything on my to-do list that I haven’t had energy for, instead of resting. Tomorrow I will be getting an infusion at noon and plan to rest.

The cost of mental health is appalling.

Asking for help, specifically asking for money makes me sick to my stomach but we need help so I can keep getting the care I need. Here is a message from the 3 of us:

We have good news and bad news.

First, the good news: Cassie is scheduled to start TMS on Monday the 14th! 🥳 And because the TMS takes a while to show results, her psychiatrist gave her the okay to continue receiving ketamine as needed. She will also be completely off antidepressants a week from today, for the first time in years!

And now the bad news: Cassie is only getting 24-72 hours from a ketamine infusion, even after 9 infusions. Typically after 6 infusions, people get somewhere between 10 and 30 days of remission. That means we are still doing 2-3 infusions a week ($800 to $1200) and paying $800 to $1200 out of pocket.

Due to the ongoing cost, we decided to try to claim reimbursement from insurance to make sure we can continue to keep Cassie feeling okay, but we’re not sure if it will be approved. If insurance approves reimbursement for ketamine infusions, we will be sure to post an update with how much is reimbursed and give you a chance to be refunded as well.

We also ask that you consider the thousands of dollars we spent on medications and therapy this year, and that we are still fighting with insurance about several large bills. Donations would still be going to the fight against Cassie’s depression and we are so grateful for all your help.

Here is the Go Fund Me link to donate— https://gf.me/u/yssrpd

In the mail today I received two beautiful letters from my friend Patrick, and family member MaryBeth. I’m also so thankful for all of the messages and comments people are sending— I’m reading them even if I don’t have the energy to respond.

Woody brought be home these gorgeous flowers.

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