hour by hour

What a crazy time we are living in. My depression is continuing to be more severe to the point that I’m barely functioning and yesterday I had to weigh the options of admitting myself to the hospital because of passive suicidal ideation* and risk exposure to COVID for myself and the people I’m close to, or stay home and risk slipping further.

Thankfully I have an incredible therapist who I can call/text and a nurse practitioner who I can message to help me with medication. I’m just taking it hour by hour— I’m NOT suicidal and do not wish to take my life, but I’m really suffering. If I feel like I absolutely cannot manage things at home I will check myself into the hospital. I know a lot of you are following my progress which is why I am being so transparent about my mental Illness. I have a beautiful life worth living and I think my struggle really highlights that depression can also be a chemical imbalance.

*Passive suicidal ideation about suicide includes experiencing vague ideas about committing suicide. It is viewed as a possible way to end the pain, but usually, no action is taken.

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